this cadence camp is my second of the summer of 2010. throughout these two camps, i have learned two very vital things. one. if a kid has dimples, their cuteness factor is immediately hightened. two. if my kid does have dimples (which it must or i'm giving it back) i will not send it to camp, because im afraid that the counselors will kidnap it.
this fear comes from a very real occurance, for eric and i are currently plotting the abduction of our favorite little boy camper named rye. like the catcher in the. or bread.
he has dimps. freckles. curly hair. chubby cheeks. all of his teeth. im not a fan of the whole "loosing teeth" fase of childhood. and a gruff little voice. and we want him.
its getting slightly out of hand. we took pictures with him that we plan on putting on our christmas card when we become a family. we considered adoption as an option because his parents have another blonde haired kid to fill the void. but theres all that paperwork.
while watching a movie with the campers yesterday, eric and i cornered rye. and we so had him. no other adults in the room, most of the other kids were in a trance from the movie, and there was a trashcan nearby to mask the actual snatch. the plan was to slip him into his sleeping bag, then zip it up, (gently) toss him in the trashcan, and then "take out the trash" while really relocating him to sheila franklin, also known as the getaway car.
i actually dont remember why we didnt go through with it. i think it was because of rye's slight reluctance to get in his sleeping bag. we wanted this abduction to be as pleasant as possible.
after all, he was going to become our child.
Saturday, August 28
Wednesday, August 25
driving fiascos.
lately i have been having a lot of car fiascos. i'd like to take this time to give a quick shout out to sheila franklin, who has been with me throughout all of these fiascos. because she is my car.
first. driving down my road, which happens to go by the name of 'stone horse creek road'. now, going off of the name, one would assume that many 'stones' are scattered across 'STONE horse creek rd'. this is a fact. i have ran over many a stone in my day. but stones, when hit, ricochet off the tires and fly into the ditch. they do not squish. driving along, i see what i so ignorantly assume to be a stone. so i hit it. twas not a stone. twas a frog. i know this, because it squished. i heard it. both wheels. rest in peace.
second. where i live, seeing tractors on the road is not uncommon. in fact, it is extremely common. do you know what is NOT extremely common? seeing a tractor (on a trailer, yes, but still) cruising down highway 64. this tractor was headed into downtown richmond. i can only imagine what its plans were for the desolate asphalt pit that is, richmond.
anyways.
this tractor was in front of me, and i was less than pleased, because anything with a load such as that cannot go the speed limit and certainly cannot go ABOVE the speed limit which is what i desired to do, for i was late. traffic was thick, so passing just wasnt an option. so here i am, stuck behind this tractor, when all of a sudden a metal object comes flying at shiela and i! i swerve, of course, and avoid it, but then as i contemplated what that unidentified flying object could have been, i realized that it was a BLADE from said tractor! THIS TRACTOR IS HURLING FREAKING METAL RAZORS AT MY CAR.
blinker on. i eventually find a hole and manage to get in the lane next to the tractor driver. it is there that i ride beside him for a solid 15 seconds glaring at him until he gets the message.
RAZORS.
third. the lever that turns on my lights in my car sticks. let me just start with that.
now. a few months ago a bastard nailed me from behind and took out my left brake light. no big deal, gots it fixed. except it didnt really fix, cause the brake light was still out. so then i went to get it fixed again. the brake light got fixed that time. but somehow in the process of fixing my brake light the mechanic managed to screw up my tail light. so thats out.
now that you have all that info, i can begin my story. driving home from 'the fantasticks' (ITS GREAT GO SEE IT www.cadencetheatre.org) and its late. i am aware that my tail light is out, but i am also aware that police officers will usually only give you a warning for such things if they pull you over for it. knowing this, when i saw the police officers blue lights flashing behind me, im pretty chill. ive got nothing to hide, thats my policy.
the guy comes up. and instead of doing what i expected and informing me that my tail light is out, he informs me that i have been driving without my lights on. yes. i had travelled from downtown all the way to short pump with only my parking lights on and did not even notice. so he tells me to turn my lights on, and then goes on to tell me that he's still going to need to see my license. so he takes it and meanders back to the police car, where he sits for nine minutes and then returns.
WITH A TICKET. i'm all like 'whaaaat?!' cause im freaking sixteen years old AND I JUST HAD MY LIGHTS OFF. no no. i've been nailed for a double whammy, lights off AND tail light out. he said he originally pulled me because he thought i was a drunk driver, because usually only drunken people forget to turn their lights on all the way. whatever.
first. driving down my road, which happens to go by the name of 'stone horse creek road'. now, going off of the name, one would assume that many 'stones' are scattered across 'STONE horse creek rd'. this is a fact. i have ran over many a stone in my day. but stones, when hit, ricochet off the tires and fly into the ditch. they do not squish. driving along, i see what i so ignorantly assume to be a stone. so i hit it. twas not a stone. twas a frog. i know this, because it squished. i heard it. both wheels. rest in peace.
second. where i live, seeing tractors on the road is not uncommon. in fact, it is extremely common. do you know what is NOT extremely common? seeing a tractor (on a trailer, yes, but still) cruising down highway 64. this tractor was headed into downtown richmond. i can only imagine what its plans were for the desolate asphalt pit that is, richmond.
anyways.
this tractor was in front of me, and i was less than pleased, because anything with a load such as that cannot go the speed limit and certainly cannot go ABOVE the speed limit which is what i desired to do, for i was late. traffic was thick, so passing just wasnt an option. so here i am, stuck behind this tractor, when all of a sudden a metal object comes flying at shiela and i! i swerve, of course, and avoid it, but then as i contemplated what that unidentified flying object could have been, i realized that it was a BLADE from said tractor! THIS TRACTOR IS HURLING FREAKING METAL RAZORS AT MY CAR.
blinker on. i eventually find a hole and manage to get in the lane next to the tractor driver. it is there that i ride beside him for a solid 15 seconds glaring at him until he gets the message.
RAZORS.
third. the lever that turns on my lights in my car sticks. let me just start with that.
now. a few months ago a bastard nailed me from behind and took out my left brake light. no big deal, gots it fixed. except it didnt really fix, cause the brake light was still out. so then i went to get it fixed again. the brake light got fixed that time. but somehow in the process of fixing my brake light the mechanic managed to screw up my tail light. so thats out.
now that you have all that info, i can begin my story. driving home from 'the fantasticks' (ITS GREAT GO SEE IT www.cadencetheatre.org) and its late. i am aware that my tail light is out, but i am also aware that police officers will usually only give you a warning for such things if they pull you over for it. knowing this, when i saw the police officers blue lights flashing behind me, im pretty chill. ive got nothing to hide, thats my policy.
the guy comes up. and instead of doing what i expected and informing me that my tail light is out, he informs me that i have been driving without my lights on. yes. i had travelled from downtown all the way to short pump with only my parking lights on and did not even notice. so he tells me to turn my lights on, and then goes on to tell me that he's still going to need to see my license. so he takes it and meanders back to the police car, where he sits for nine minutes and then returns.
WITH A TICKET. i'm all like 'whaaaat?!' cause im freaking sixteen years old AND I JUST HAD MY LIGHTS OFF. no no. i've been nailed for a double whammy, lights off AND tail light out. he said he originally pulled me because he thought i was a drunk driver, because usually only drunken people forget to turn their lights on all the way. whatever.
Saturday, August 21
no more titles.
for all of you out there concerned with the state of my teeth, the healing process is going quite swimmingly. i enjoy feeling the stitches in my tooth holes because it tickles. and i am down to eight advil a day. yay for addictions.
this is going to be an exceedingly short blog post.
this is going to be an exceedingly short blog post.
Sunday, August 15
i dont feel like naming this one.
i got my wisdom teeth yanked out of my face friday morning and they anesthesia-ed me all up so since then i have been sleeping on and off and therefore it is 1:36am and i am starving and wide awake. its not even like im just not tired, i literally am alert as ever right now.
i am going to list some things that i have done since midnight that i usually would not be doing because usually i would be either watching scrubs or sleeping.
-played 'megajump' on tommy the itouch. 'megajump' is a free little app (NOT FREE ANYMORE SUCKAAAAS!) that consists of a tiny red monstrous-looking creature that jumps and then you have to steer it left and right so that it continually makes contact with the ever moving coins dangling mid-air. meg introduced it to me late last night. its really a super game once you get past the silliness of it all. the sole problem is im having trouble getting past level one, and the other levels that say LOCKED when you try to cheat and access them have names like 'city of mists', 'silvery moon' and 'comet nebula' which are just altogether too appealing.
-watched 'diners, drive-ins and dives' on food network. hosted by guy fieri, who has abnormally blonde hair. did i mention earlier that i was starving? yes. yes i did. and watching guy stuff his face with the united states of america's best burgers was just torture.
-ate applesauce. or shall i say, BEGAN to eat applesause, because i have come to find that this natural applesauce keeumm buys is tasteless.
ALL I HAVE EATEN TODAY IS A BOWL OF MASHED POTATOES. HELP ME.
-went on a scavenger hunt for cinnamon. cinnamon really can add that extra umph to things that are tasteless. probably because cinnamon has taste.
-found cinnamon, put cinnamon in applesauce, completed applesauce. i dont feel the need to expand on this topic much more.
-listened to commercials with my eyes closed. this SEEMS pointless but if you play a game with yourself and try to figure out what the commercial is for within the first 5 seconds it proves to be exceedingly entertaining until they start repeating commercials which is much too frequent on late night television.
-gargled salt water. just did.
-got a flashlight and tried to see the holes where my wisdom teeth once were. it was tricky, and took much maneuvering with a mirror, but i figured it out. theres really not too much to see, unless raw gums are interesting to you. i also expected much more from these so called 'dissolving stitches', like BEING ABLE TO SEE THEM. you cant. fyi.
-parted my hair on the opposite side that its supposed to be. BAD. IDEA.
now im still not tired, but guy fieri's voice on the tv in the other room is REALLY starting to annoy.
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, thats not really it. im just jealous of his solid foods.
time to watch some infomercials.
i am going to list some things that i have done since midnight that i usually would not be doing because usually i would be either watching scrubs or sleeping.
-played 'megajump' on tommy the itouch. 'megajump' is a free little app (NOT FREE ANYMORE SUCKAAAAS!) that consists of a tiny red monstrous-looking creature that jumps and then you have to steer it left and right so that it continually makes contact with the ever moving coins dangling mid-air. meg introduced it to me late last night. its really a super game once you get past the silliness of it all. the sole problem is im having trouble getting past level one, and the other levels that say LOCKED when you try to cheat and access them have names like 'city of mists', 'silvery moon' and 'comet nebula' which are just altogether too appealing.
-watched 'diners, drive-ins and dives' on food network. hosted by guy fieri, who has abnormally blonde hair. did i mention earlier that i was starving? yes. yes i did. and watching guy stuff his face with the united states of america's best burgers was just torture.
-ate applesauce. or shall i say, BEGAN to eat applesause, because i have come to find that this natural applesauce keeumm buys is tasteless.
ALL I HAVE EATEN TODAY IS A BOWL OF MASHED POTATOES. HELP ME.
-went on a scavenger hunt for cinnamon. cinnamon really can add that extra umph to things that are tasteless. probably because cinnamon has taste.
-found cinnamon, put cinnamon in applesauce, completed applesauce. i dont feel the need to expand on this topic much more.
-listened to commercials with my eyes closed. this SEEMS pointless but if you play a game with yourself and try to figure out what the commercial is for within the first 5 seconds it proves to be exceedingly entertaining until they start repeating commercials which is much too frequent on late night television.
-gargled salt water. just did.
-got a flashlight and tried to see the holes where my wisdom teeth once were. it was tricky, and took much maneuvering with a mirror, but i figured it out. theres really not too much to see, unless raw gums are interesting to you. i also expected much more from these so called 'dissolving stitches', like BEING ABLE TO SEE THEM. you cant. fyi.
-parted my hair on the opposite side that its supposed to be. BAD. IDEA.
now im still not tired, but guy fieri's voice on the tv in the other room is REALLY starting to annoy.
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, thats not really it. im just jealous of his solid foods.
time to watch some infomercials.
Thursday, August 5
manhole.
the gilman troupe took a vaca north. these are my highlights from said excursion. and just so you know, i plan to continue using 'vaca' as an abbrev for 'vacation' because it is one of the few abbrevs (including abbrev itself) that i am actually in favor of.
-washington dc. the fam *another approved abbrev* sits in front of the washington monument, marveling in its majestic beauty. we notice a plane. sister points to said plane and says "it looks like that plane is going to run into the monument." sister is correct, and we all watch in a mix of awe and terror as this aeroplane flies slowly but surely lower and seemingly closer to the monument. then we all breathe a sigh of relief as the plane passes it on the other side. all except keeumm, who smiles, cocks her head to the side and says "that's neat..."
not an appropriate response.
-street vendors. brother purchases a lemon italian ice on the street. we sit on bench to rest our tired feet, or as dick calls them, "worn out puppies". brother drops half eaten italian ice on sidewalk, and ice pops out of container. mass devastation ensues. brother tries, in vain, for a solid three minutes to scoop up (MEG) the ice into the container without using his hands. he eventually gets it up to a wall and manages to slide it back in. he then goes back to the street vendor and tells his harrowing tale, expecting a new italian ice. instead, he retrieves a cup of water. for "washing it off", as the street vendor told him.
he disposed of both.
-muslim karaoke singers. hershey park has these wonderful opportunities for rising stars to perform their debut for all of the park to enjoy. it is a room with a karaoke machine where you can sing and afterwards pick up the video, which may not seem to be worth $25 BUT the exposure is invaluable. i was lucky enough to be walking by when the familiar musical introduction of 'my heart will go on' caught my attention. i, of course, stopped to listen. the two muslim women began to sing. or rather, speak on pitch. or rather, talk with rhythm. or rather, mumble aimlessly. for they had no rhythm, certainly did not know the pitches, and most of the time it seemed like the one on the left was singing a completely different song. i asked if i could purchase THEIR tape, but the employees said that could cause a lawsuit down the road.
i was bummed.
-toilet paper. in the hotel room in hershey that we stayed in, the bathroom perplexed me. here's why. if you were to sit on the toilet, the toilet paper roll was all the way across the bathroom. it is literally impossible to reach while remaining seated. no need to bring up the fact that i have abnormally short arms, because i tested it and you would need to have nearly twice my armspan to reach it.
that just aint right.
-wooden rollercoasters. because keeumm and dick are silly and had three kids and didnt stop at an even two, family theme park visits are extremely difficult. somebody always has to ride alone, and on the wooden rollercoaster known as "the wildcat", i was elected to be the lone rider. it was my wise decision to ride with a little black boy instead of all by me lonesome. i tried to strike up a conversation on the way up the hill, but he was a bit too anxious to chat. then once we went over the hill and got going, he covered his eyes and said "ohhhh noooo" many, many, many, many times. then when the ride ended a mere 45 seconds later, he uncovered his eyes, looked at me sheepishly and said "my b."
poor fella.
-palm beach tan. driving home we passed a joint that goes by the name of 'palm beach tan'. except the sign was malfunctioning a bit so it looked like 'palin beach tan'. come on. dont tell me if you saw a sign that you thought said 'palin beach tan' it wouldnt land in the highlight category of your vaca.
really now.
-orioles game. the gate workers at camden yards were handing out orioles tshirts before the game, but considering how i am a new york yankees fan and NOT an orioles fan, i declined to accept their free tshirt and decided to sport my new yankees tee to the game. yes. i was booed. verbally abused. and i think some drunk guy actually spit at me. but because of MY support, ARod hit his 600th homerun today.
SO YOURE WELCOME NEW YORK CITY.
-wheres waldo. if you have ever entered urban outfitters before, you should well know that their array of books is eccentric to say the least. apparently they carry a 'wheres waldo' book, because as i exited the dressing room, one of those very 'wheres waldo' books goes flying by me. the culprit was a little boy whose mother, im sure, sat him down with this book whilst she shopped. he then shouted 'i jist caint FIND waldo no more!'
many a time has that same thought crossed through my head, lemme tell ya.
-lost & found. sister does not own a cell phone of her own, so she has adopted, or rather, stolen dick's phone so she can chat with her little frands. she had dick's phone in her pocket when we rode on hershey park's infamous rollercoaster, 'fahrenheit'. unwise. a stellar ride was there after RUINED by sister's comment 'um dad, i dont have your phone anymore.' my immediate suggestion was that it had tried to commit suicide after being overwhelmed by the mass amount of middle school chatter, but that idea was quickly discarded for whatever reason. long story short: went to lost & found, were filling out paperwork when dude walked in with dick’s phone and we said ‘oh that’s it yay happy happy joy joy’.
i think she deserved to lose it.
-manhole. i walked on top of a manhole that actually had steam being emitted from it. what an absolutely exhilarating feeling.
check that off my bucket list.
i have one downfall from my vacation. and that is the death of fernando the glow-in-the-dark unicorn silly band. sister is to blame. i'd rather not go into detail. my husband said it best when she said, 'it is a sad sad day in the land of fernando'. may he rest in peace.
besides this tragedy, i'd say vaca went quite swimmingly.
-washington dc. the fam *another approved abbrev* sits in front of the washington monument, marveling in its majestic beauty. we notice a plane. sister points to said plane and says "it looks like that plane is going to run into the monument." sister is correct, and we all watch in a mix of awe and terror as this aeroplane flies slowly but surely lower and seemingly closer to the monument. then we all breathe a sigh of relief as the plane passes it on the other side. all except keeumm, who smiles, cocks her head to the side and says "that's neat..."
not an appropriate response.
-street vendors. brother purchases a lemon italian ice on the street. we sit on bench to rest our tired feet, or as dick calls them, "worn out puppies". brother drops half eaten italian ice on sidewalk, and ice pops out of container. mass devastation ensues. brother tries, in vain, for a solid three minutes to scoop up (MEG) the ice into the container without using his hands. he eventually gets it up to a wall and manages to slide it back in. he then goes back to the street vendor and tells his harrowing tale, expecting a new italian ice. instead, he retrieves a cup of water. for "washing it off", as the street vendor told him.
he disposed of both.
-muslim karaoke singers. hershey park has these wonderful opportunities for rising stars to perform their debut for all of the park to enjoy. it is a room with a karaoke machine where you can sing and afterwards pick up the video, which may not seem to be worth $25 BUT the exposure is invaluable. i was lucky enough to be walking by when the familiar musical introduction of 'my heart will go on' caught my attention. i, of course, stopped to listen. the two muslim women began to sing. or rather, speak on pitch. or rather, talk with rhythm. or rather, mumble aimlessly. for they had no rhythm, certainly did not know the pitches, and most of the time it seemed like the one on the left was singing a completely different song. i asked if i could purchase THEIR tape, but the employees said that could cause a lawsuit down the road.
i was bummed.
-toilet paper. in the hotel room in hershey that we stayed in, the bathroom perplexed me. here's why. if you were to sit on the toilet, the toilet paper roll was all the way across the bathroom. it is literally impossible to reach while remaining seated. no need to bring up the fact that i have abnormally short arms, because i tested it and you would need to have nearly twice my armspan to reach it.
that just aint right.
-wooden rollercoasters. because keeumm and dick are silly and had three kids and didnt stop at an even two, family theme park visits are extremely difficult. somebody always has to ride alone, and on the wooden rollercoaster known as "the wildcat", i was elected to be the lone rider. it was my wise decision to ride with a little black boy instead of all by me lonesome. i tried to strike up a conversation on the way up the hill, but he was a bit too anxious to chat. then once we went over the hill and got going, he covered his eyes and said "ohhhh noooo" many, many, many, many times. then when the ride ended a mere 45 seconds later, he uncovered his eyes, looked at me sheepishly and said "my b."
poor fella.
-palm beach tan. driving home we passed a joint that goes by the name of 'palm beach tan'. except the sign was malfunctioning a bit so it looked like 'palin beach tan'. come on. dont tell me if you saw a sign that you thought said 'palin beach tan' it wouldnt land in the highlight category of your vaca.
really now.
-orioles game. the gate workers at camden yards were handing out orioles tshirts before the game, but considering how i am a new york yankees fan and NOT an orioles fan, i declined to accept their free tshirt and decided to sport my new yankees tee to the game. yes. i was booed. verbally abused. and i think some drunk guy actually spit at me. but because of MY support, ARod hit his 600th homerun today.
SO YOURE WELCOME NEW YORK CITY.
-wheres waldo. if you have ever entered urban outfitters before, you should well know that their array of books is eccentric to say the least. apparently they carry a 'wheres waldo' book, because as i exited the dressing room, one of those very 'wheres waldo' books goes flying by me. the culprit was a little boy whose mother, im sure, sat him down with this book whilst she shopped. he then shouted 'i jist caint FIND waldo no more!'
many a time has that same thought crossed through my head, lemme tell ya.
-lost & found. sister does not own a cell phone of her own, so she has adopted, or rather, stolen dick's phone so she can chat with her little frands. she had dick's phone in her pocket when we rode on hershey park's infamous rollercoaster, 'fahrenheit'. unwise. a stellar ride was there after RUINED by sister's comment 'um dad, i dont have your phone anymore.' my immediate suggestion was that it had tried to commit suicide after being overwhelmed by the mass amount of middle school chatter, but that idea was quickly discarded for whatever reason. long story short: went to lost & found, were filling out paperwork when dude walked in with dick’s phone and we said ‘oh that’s it yay happy happy joy joy’.
i think she deserved to lose it.
-manhole. i walked on top of a manhole that actually had steam being emitted from it. what an absolutely exhilarating feeling.
check that off my bucket list.
i have one downfall from my vacation. and that is the death of fernando the glow-in-the-dark unicorn silly band. sister is to blame. i'd rather not go into detail. my husband said it best when she said, 'it is a sad sad day in the land of fernando'. may he rest in peace.
besides this tragedy, i'd say vaca went quite swimmingly.
Thursday, July 22
into the woods its time to go
today is opening. literally, just now, as i wrote that, i put my face in my hands. not cause im fearful of (the woods at night) opening, simply because i really just cant believe that its already here. this day has been a long time coming, folks, and im not just talking about the rehearsal process. i'd say ive been dreaming bout this for a good solid two years. shivers.
this is not going to be my usual witty banter-esque blog post, because im too jittery to be amusing. sorry.
i'm attached to little red like i've never been attached to any other character before. usually its easy for me to draw the line between myself and my character. but she is so different; she is literally an 12year old, caped extension of myself.
i'm excited and scared for tonight... but all thats left to do now is say a little prayer and kick some INTO THE WOODS butt!
i love you, my cast! WE GOT THIS!
this is not going to be my usual witty banter-esque blog post, because im too jittery to be amusing. sorry.
i'm attached to little red like i've never been attached to any other character before. usually its easy for me to draw the line between myself and my character. but she is so different; she is literally an 12year old, caped extension of myself.
i'm excited and scared for tonight... but all thats left to do now is say a little prayer and kick some INTO THE WOODS butt!
i love you, my cast! WE GOT THIS!
Sunday, July 18
silly bandz.
let me just get this straight before i begin this blog post. i am not, repeat, NOT a fan of silly bandz.
silly bandz (i am adding the z because i like it, i dont actually know for sure if the correct term for these ridiculous wrist adornments contains a 'z' or not) are, as i stated in my aside just then, ridiculous wrist adornments.
you wear them around your wrist until someone asks you what it is. because someone WILL ask you what it is. and then you remove said silly band with pride and tug at it for a certain period of time until it resembles an unidentifiable blob, then tug at it some more until it becomes the silhouette of a random animal, vegetable, mineral or unknown.
kids these days barter silly bandz as if they were actually valuable. but keep in mind, one silly band is not equal to the next. silly bandz that glow in the dark, are tye dye, or resemble the shape of toy story characters are considered to be the most precious. as in, YOU BETTER HAVE SOME COLD HARD CASH IF YOU WANT MY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR SILLY BAND.
why have i gone on this rant about silly bandz, you may ask? because i myself have recently had a revelation, a change of heart, if you will, about silly bandz.
im a really good person. and wasting things just irks me. thats why when i noticed there was a water bottle in jessie's bathroom trashcan with a hair elastic around it, i was going to inform jessie. because i was either going to be a good person and let jessie know that she was accidentally going to throw away a hair elastic, or, if this did not alarm jessie (AS IT SHOULD) i was going to be nonwasteful and save that hair elastic from a premature fate.
i informed jessie. she reacted as i feared, and was not concerned about the hair elastic. but eureka, jessie spotted something ELSE on this water bottle which she decided she DID want to retrieve. choosy little bugger.
this much smaller and less prominent object turned out to be.... a silly band. i was not interested, because, as i have already told you, silly bandz are not liked by allison.
i climbed into my adopted jennison bed and was snuggling in, ready to catch a good solid 5 hours of sleep before a day of stage explorers and into the woods-ing.
and then i saw it. a glowing beacon of light slowing floating towards me across the room. i was instantly mesmerized. my eyes followed its every move, watching in awe of its simple but stunning beauty.
TO JOANN.
needless to say i was alarmed when the mysterious object floated upwards towards the blinds and then two legs plopped beside me in the bed. it was jessie closing the blinds. not exciting. but what was exciting was that the beacon of light was clinging to her wrist.
jessie dropped the beacon on my face. for a few minutes, i was fearful to touch it. then i gathered my courage and grabbed it, then held it up in the air. it was a glow in the dark unicorn silly band, and i was in love.
if you put it on your wrist and then madly wave your arm, the people across the room can see what your arm is doing! and if you put it on your nose and then sit up, the people across the room can see your nose! and if you put it around your eye, the people across the room can (so they tell me) SEE YOUR EYE!
i put on quite the show for meg, jessie and kaki.
this unicorn silly band that i have named fernando is still on my wrist and i never plan to take it off. we'll see how this goes with the run of into the woods. i think that little red would be the trendsetter of the show, the first character to wear silly bandz. ITS A CHARACTER CHOICE OKAY.
a kid at stage explorers asked if she could have it. i said no.
i also saved that hair elastic.
silly bandz (i am adding the z because i like it, i dont actually know for sure if the correct term for these ridiculous wrist adornments contains a 'z' or not) are, as i stated in my aside just then, ridiculous wrist adornments.
you wear them around your wrist until someone asks you what it is. because someone WILL ask you what it is. and then you remove said silly band with pride and tug at it for a certain period of time until it resembles an unidentifiable blob, then tug at it some more until it becomes the silhouette of a random animal, vegetable, mineral or unknown.
kids these days barter silly bandz as if they were actually valuable. but keep in mind, one silly band is not equal to the next. silly bandz that glow in the dark, are tye dye, or resemble the shape of toy story characters are considered to be the most precious. as in, YOU BETTER HAVE SOME COLD HARD CASH IF YOU WANT MY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR SILLY BAND.
why have i gone on this rant about silly bandz, you may ask? because i myself have recently had a revelation, a change of heart, if you will, about silly bandz.
im a really good person. and wasting things just irks me. thats why when i noticed there was a water bottle in jessie's bathroom trashcan with a hair elastic around it, i was going to inform jessie. because i was either going to be a good person and let jessie know that she was accidentally going to throw away a hair elastic, or, if this did not alarm jessie (AS IT SHOULD) i was going to be nonwasteful and save that hair elastic from a premature fate.
i informed jessie. she reacted as i feared, and was not concerned about the hair elastic. but eureka, jessie spotted something ELSE on this water bottle which she decided she DID want to retrieve. choosy little bugger.
this much smaller and less prominent object turned out to be.... a silly band. i was not interested, because, as i have already told you, silly bandz are not liked by allison.
i climbed into my adopted jennison bed and was snuggling in, ready to catch a good solid 5 hours of sleep before a day of stage explorers and into the woods-ing.
and then i saw it. a glowing beacon of light slowing floating towards me across the room. i was instantly mesmerized. my eyes followed its every move, watching in awe of its simple but stunning beauty.
TO JOANN.
needless to say i was alarmed when the mysterious object floated upwards towards the blinds and then two legs plopped beside me in the bed. it was jessie closing the blinds. not exciting. but what was exciting was that the beacon of light was clinging to her wrist.
jessie dropped the beacon on my face. for a few minutes, i was fearful to touch it. then i gathered my courage and grabbed it, then held it up in the air. it was a glow in the dark unicorn silly band, and i was in love.
if you put it on your wrist and then madly wave your arm, the people across the room can see what your arm is doing! and if you put it on your nose and then sit up, the people across the room can see your nose! and if you put it around your eye, the people across the room can (so they tell me) SEE YOUR EYE!
i put on quite the show for meg, jessie and kaki.
this unicorn silly band that i have named fernando is still on my wrist and i never plan to take it off. we'll see how this goes with the run of into the woods. i think that little red would be the trendsetter of the show, the first character to wear silly bandz. ITS A CHARACTER CHOICE OKAY.
a kid at stage explorers asked if she could have it. i said no.
i also saved that hair elastic.
Saturday, July 17
plastic daggers.
hi there. ha that's funny because that's the name of my blog but really i was just greeting everybodies.
i haven't blogged in quite some time, and i'm gonna be honest here, i actually forgot that this blog existed for a good solid month or so. pity. cause when i used to blog daily, i liked it.
to say that i am gonna start blogging daily again would be the equivalent of flat lying to your faces. but thats what audra honaker did with stage explorers kids so im guessing that since audra's done it, its now socially acceptable.
into the woods is pretty much in crunch time now. which is symbolic because in into the woods, people get crunched by giants. not i. i survive. which is why the show is totes def worth seeing. www.sparconline.org ORDER TICKETS RIGHT NOW. STOP READING THIS BLOG RIGHT NOW. YES YOU. STOP READING. ORDER TICKTETS. NOPE, DONT EVEN PRETEND YOU FORGOT THE WEBSITE NAME. HERE IT IS AGAIN, FOR YOU IGNORANT SOULS. www.sparconline.org NOW THERES NO EXCUSE.
i enjoy into the woods because i get to talk really fast and snap at people who, under any other circumstances, i would not mess with. like t'arahhh juuuulietaaaa. i also get to wear a cloak made of wolf skins and brandish a small dagger made of plastic that lives in my pants when im not using it.
other things i like about into the woods. i dont have to wear heels. i do have to wear an apron. i get to toss a baby around in my arms like nobodys business. i get to crush john mincks foot. (not really, but he doesnt know about my opening night blocking alterations as of yet.) eric switches back and forth from being a cow to a munchkin from the merry old land of oz. i get to swing fake birds around on floating branches. meg and daniel kiss for an extended period of time. as do julia and daniel, and julia and john. and i am allowed to eat muffins onstage. dream role: check.
i haven't blogged in quite some time, and i'm gonna be honest here, i actually forgot that this blog existed for a good solid month or so. pity. cause when i used to blog daily, i liked it.
to say that i am gonna start blogging daily again would be the equivalent of flat lying to your faces. but thats what audra honaker did with stage explorers kids so im guessing that since audra's done it, its now socially acceptable.
into the woods is pretty much in crunch time now. which is symbolic because in into the woods, people get crunched by giants. not i. i survive. which is why the show is totes def worth seeing. www.sparconline.org ORDER TICKETS RIGHT NOW. STOP READING THIS BLOG RIGHT NOW. YES YOU. STOP READING. ORDER TICKTETS. NOPE, DONT EVEN PRETEND YOU FORGOT THE WEBSITE NAME. HERE IT IS AGAIN, FOR YOU IGNORANT SOULS. www.sparconline.org NOW THERES NO EXCUSE.
i enjoy into the woods because i get to talk really fast and snap at people who, under any other circumstances, i would not mess with. like t'arahhh juuuulietaaaa. i also get to wear a cloak made of wolf skins and brandish a small dagger made of plastic that lives in my pants when im not using it.
other things i like about into the woods. i dont have to wear heels. i do have to wear an apron. i get to toss a baby around in my arms like nobodys business. i get to crush john mincks foot. (not really, but he doesnt know about my opening night blocking alterations as of yet.) eric switches back and forth from being a cow to a munchkin from the merry old land of oz. i get to swing fake birds around on floating branches. meg and daniel kiss for an extended period of time. as do julia and daniel, and julia and john. and i am allowed to eat muffins onstage. dream role: check.
Tuesday, May 18
oral surgeon.
i have received a special request to blog. to misquote captain barbossa from pirates of the caribbean "I'm inclined to acquiesce to your request. Means 'yes'." the actual line has something to do with being disinclined and meaning no but thats really not applicable here at all.
current events. lets see. i visited the oral surgeon today because my wisdom teeth are being all wisdom-teeth-like and really wanna be removed from my gums. keeumm dropped me off at this more developmental looking area behind henrico doctors.
she told me to go into this building. this building had a sign on it that said 'orthopaedics' on a sign by the entrance. i pointed to said sign and asked keeumm 'orthopaedics?'. keeumm nodded fervently.
i said to keeumm, 'but orthopaedics is like arms and legs related...'. but keeumm insisted. and if you know keeumm then you know, what she says, goes.
so i went in, feeling like a fool with my tooth xrays in hand as i passed by multiple patients with crutches and ace bandages. i asked the lady at the front desk where i could sign in to have my mouth examined. she seemed to be pretty peeved. i dont know why, seems like lots of educated people like my mother would confuse the words 'orthopaedic' and 'oral'.
my prayers are with the jennison family!
current events. lets see. i visited the oral surgeon today because my wisdom teeth are being all wisdom-teeth-like and really wanna be removed from my gums. keeumm dropped me off at this more developmental looking area behind henrico doctors.
she told me to go into this building. this building had a sign on it that said 'orthopaedics' on a sign by the entrance. i pointed to said sign and asked keeumm 'orthopaedics?'. keeumm nodded fervently.
i said to keeumm, 'but orthopaedics is like arms and legs related...'. but keeumm insisted. and if you know keeumm then you know, what she says, goes.
so i went in, feeling like a fool with my tooth xrays in hand as i passed by multiple patients with crutches and ace bandages. i asked the lady at the front desk where i could sign in to have my mouth examined. she seemed to be pretty peeved. i dont know why, seems like lots of educated people like my mother would confuse the words 'orthopaedic' and 'oral'.
my prayers are with the jennison family!
Monday, May 10
Wednesday, April 28
CIABATTA!
this blogpost is being written by a human being who has the legal ability, perhaps not permission but thats a tale for a different day, to drive themself anywhere they please. score.
behind the wheel yesterday was the most fun of all because at this point i had already passed the exam and pretty much had to do something insanely terrible like hit a pedestrian to get that revoked. so i considered it free reign.
amanda drove first and she passed with flying colors of course so then it was my turn to take a spin. i was driving along when i came to the conclusion that we were remarkably near my house. what a crazy coincidence that was, too crazy a happening to pass up thats for sure.
im pretty sure mr. hudak wanted me to get on an interstate for some fast mileage, but that was not in MY plan, and seeing how ALLISON was the one with the steering wheel and not mr. hudak, i was in charge. and i took advantage of this.
we took a "detour". mr. hudak didn't have a clue where we were which put me in total control. he was a tad freaked. i believe he muttered something about being kidnapped by teenagers or something like that but i just disregarded everything he said from there on out.
amanda and i established that we lived really close to each other, which was a perfect oppurtunity to drive by each others houses, check em out. lucky mr. hudak also came along for the ride. certainly not by choice.
we changed our route multiple times in order to make it the most scenic/difficult for mr. hudak to figure out where he was. we succeeded. at one point he asked me 'could you tell me where we're headed?' and i said 'actually i dont really know road names i just pretty much know where im supposed to turn'. this reassured him.
occasionally he would mistakenly believe that i was going to run off the road, and he would exclaim things like 'CIABATTA!'. i dont know why the name of an artisan bread was the first thing that came to his mind when he thought he was going to die, but to each his own.
when i eventually in the most roundabout way possible returned him to the main road, he breathed for the first time in a solid 30 minutes. amanda and i laughed gaily, but now that we were back in his neck of the woods, we were reprimanded.
it was fun while it lasted.
behind the wheel yesterday was the most fun of all because at this point i had already passed the exam and pretty much had to do something insanely terrible like hit a pedestrian to get that revoked. so i considered it free reign.
amanda drove first and she passed with flying colors of course so then it was my turn to take a spin. i was driving along when i came to the conclusion that we were remarkably near my house. what a crazy coincidence that was, too crazy a happening to pass up thats for sure.
im pretty sure mr. hudak wanted me to get on an interstate for some fast mileage, but that was not in MY plan, and seeing how ALLISON was the one with the steering wheel and not mr. hudak, i was in charge. and i took advantage of this.
we took a "detour". mr. hudak didn't have a clue where we were which put me in total control. he was a tad freaked. i believe he muttered something about being kidnapped by teenagers or something like that but i just disregarded everything he said from there on out.
amanda and i established that we lived really close to each other, which was a perfect oppurtunity to drive by each others houses, check em out. lucky mr. hudak also came along for the ride. certainly not by choice.
we changed our route multiple times in order to make it the most scenic/difficult for mr. hudak to figure out where he was. we succeeded. at one point he asked me 'could you tell me where we're headed?' and i said 'actually i dont really know road names i just pretty much know where im supposed to turn'. this reassured him.
occasionally he would mistakenly believe that i was going to run off the road, and he would exclaim things like 'CIABATTA!'. i dont know why the name of an artisan bread was the first thing that came to his mind when he thought he was going to die, but to each his own.
when i eventually in the most roundabout way possible returned him to the main road, he breathed for the first time in a solid 30 minutes. amanda and i laughed gaily, but now that we were back in his neck of the woods, we were reprimanded.
it was fun while it lasted.
Monday, April 26
scratch off gently with a coin.
i am under the impression that a good collared shirt is timeless. i was also under the impression that pigtails were timeless, but the director of grapes was adamant that i was incorrect. that was a devastating blow.
lately i have seen a lot of shows. some have been really good, and some have been really bad. you truly can get the best of both worlds here in richmond.
saw 'children of eden' yesterday. there was one actor who i think may be completely tone deaf, and yet he had a lead in a musical. this bodes ill for the rest of the musical in my opinion, especially when this dude returns in the second act to play another singing role. why. just... why.
one of my favorite past times is to look for awkward couples. i really dont have any guidelines as to what is and is not an awkward couple, but i can feel it in my bones. couples whose height difference is staggering and therefore have to use stairs so they can kiss. couples who are really self conscious and are always looking over their shoulder when talking to their significant other to ensure that no one will know that they are actually a unit. couples who walk down the hall very close to each other but are certain to never make any legitimate physical contact. when i see air quote relationships air quote like this, i am glad i have no time for boys.
the staff of bath and body works is infamous for being the most pushy salespeople in the history of EVER. i think being overly satisfied with any and all bath and body works products is the leading factor that comes into play when hiring. word to the wise: dont attempt to look at their wackadoodle "scenteggs". it will only end in a perpetually confusing conversation that can never come to any gain of knowledge.
i have come to the conclusion that the little bar on lottery scratchers and the back of gift cards that says 'scratch off gently with a coin' is really more trouble than its worth. it should be made so it can say 'scratch off gently with long fingernails' or something like that. i always find that i can never locate a coin when i need one for those suckers. and nickels are apparently not included in the 'coin' department because they require much more scratching fervor to remove all the junk than say, a penny.
lately i have seen a lot of shows. some have been really good, and some have been really bad. you truly can get the best of both worlds here in richmond.
saw 'children of eden' yesterday. there was one actor who i think may be completely tone deaf, and yet he had a lead in a musical. this bodes ill for the rest of the musical in my opinion, especially when this dude returns in the second act to play another singing role. why. just... why.
one of my favorite past times is to look for awkward couples. i really dont have any guidelines as to what is and is not an awkward couple, but i can feel it in my bones. couples whose height difference is staggering and therefore have to use stairs so they can kiss. couples who are really self conscious and are always looking over their shoulder when talking to their significant other to ensure that no one will know that they are actually a unit. couples who walk down the hall very close to each other but are certain to never make any legitimate physical contact. when i see air quote relationships air quote like this, i am glad i have no time for boys.
the staff of bath and body works is infamous for being the most pushy salespeople in the history of EVER. i think being overly satisfied with any and all bath and body works products is the leading factor that comes into play when hiring. word to the wise: dont attempt to look at their wackadoodle "scenteggs". it will only end in a perpetually confusing conversation that can never come to any gain of knowledge.
i have come to the conclusion that the little bar on lottery scratchers and the back of gift cards that says 'scratch off gently with a coin' is really more trouble than its worth. it should be made so it can say 'scratch off gently with long fingernails' or something like that. i always find that i can never locate a coin when i need one for those suckers. and nickels are apparently not included in the 'coin' department because they require much more scratching fervor to remove all the junk than say, a penny.
Wednesday, April 21
windshield wipers.
my parents became infuriated today because i "only grunt at them". this is entirely not true. i also shrug.
behind the wheel is going swimmingly for all who are curious. successful parallel park today. which was tricky, because i had no cars, cones, or markings to determine where the two invisible vehicles were located.
the concept i am worst at in behind the wheel is figuring out those bloody windshield wipers. since when does pushing up the trigger cause the soapy stuff to come out? those front windows were squeaky clean when i was done with them, let me tell you.
i almost hit a crow today on the road. you'd think it would be near impossible to hit an animal with wings on the road, but tis not so.
apparently i have a small problem with road rage. i say small because i tend to be falsely kind to my fellow drivers. LOOK if you pass me, and then i catch up to you, and later pass you, i am going to wave to you and mouth the word 'SUCKER'. i just am.
continuously checking your mirrors is one of the checks needed to pass behind the wheel. to test this, the teacher will ask you to tell whats behind you without looking. mr. hudak asked me to tell him what color the car behind me was without looking. i told him with a fairly certain tone, 'blue'.
there wasnt a car behind me.
blast.
behind the wheel is going swimmingly for all who are curious. successful parallel park today. which was tricky, because i had no cars, cones, or markings to determine where the two invisible vehicles were located.
the concept i am worst at in behind the wheel is figuring out those bloody windshield wipers. since when does pushing up the trigger cause the soapy stuff to come out? those front windows were squeaky clean when i was done with them, let me tell you.
i almost hit a crow today on the road. you'd think it would be near impossible to hit an animal with wings on the road, but tis not so.
apparently i have a small problem with road rage. i say small because i tend to be falsely kind to my fellow drivers. LOOK if you pass me, and then i catch up to you, and later pass you, i am going to wave to you and mouth the word 'SUCKER'. i just am.
continuously checking your mirrors is one of the checks needed to pass behind the wheel. to test this, the teacher will ask you to tell whats behind you without looking. mr. hudak asked me to tell him what color the car behind me was without looking. i told him with a fairly certain tone, 'blue'.
there wasnt a car behind me.
blast.
Sunday, April 18
cinch.
meg & i went on a date this afternoon. i enjoy going on dates with meg. because we can both be pigs and neither will care. hence- cheeburger cheeburger.
disappointment did ensue because we both ordered kids meals and they were delivered in little black baskets instead of the cardboard tbird souvenir basket. just because we are over the age of seven doesnt mean we are too old for a toy car. sheesh.
i found a pair of mens sunglasses in the carnahan car. i put them on. this was a mistake, for mens sunglasses do NOT look good on girls.
nay, mens sunglasses dont look good on ANYONE. the ones that like slant upwards like the avatar creatures eyes do. with the random colors in the lens. you know the ones.
showcase was today. it reminded me why i want to adopt children when they are in their teens or raise them until they are four and give them away. aka avoid the wretched age that is- preteen. yikes.
matt polson had to go downstairs for teacher introductions. i happened to be standing nearby. he asked if i could keep an eye on his kiddies. i said yes. something i would soon regret. i thought to myself 'this should be a cinch!'
i really did say 'cinch'.
it was not a cinch. what is a cinch? i should probably stop using that term until i discover the definition.
ah. here we are.
cinch
Pronunciation: \ˈsinch\
Function: noun
Etymology: Spanish cincha, from Latin cingula
Date: 1859
1 : a girth for a pack or saddle
2 : a tight grip
3 a : a thing done with ease
i choose to refer to definition number three. awesome.
those kids were rowdy beyond belief. new appreciation for sparc teachers across the board. i pulled every theatre game EVER from my mental collection. still not enough. thank the lord for red light green light. and jessie jennison. i think it was definitely a job that needed a bare minimum of two people.
major headache and loss of hair were the result.
now off to massage my scalp.
disappointment did ensue because we both ordered kids meals and they were delivered in little black baskets instead of the cardboard tbird souvenir basket. just because we are over the age of seven doesnt mean we are too old for a toy car. sheesh.
i found a pair of mens sunglasses in the carnahan car. i put them on. this was a mistake, for mens sunglasses do NOT look good on girls.
nay, mens sunglasses dont look good on ANYONE. the ones that like slant upwards like the avatar creatures eyes do. with the random colors in the lens. you know the ones.
showcase was today. it reminded me why i want to adopt children when they are in their teens or raise them until they are four and give them away. aka avoid the wretched age that is- preteen. yikes.
matt polson had to go downstairs for teacher introductions. i happened to be standing nearby. he asked if i could keep an eye on his kiddies. i said yes. something i would soon regret. i thought to myself 'this should be a cinch!'
i really did say 'cinch'.
it was not a cinch. what is a cinch? i should probably stop using that term until i discover the definition.
ah. here we are.
cinch
Pronunciation: \ˈsinch\
Function: noun
Etymology: Spanish cincha, from Latin cingula
Date: 1859
1 : a girth for a pack or saddle
2 : a tight grip
3 a : a thing done with ease
i choose to refer to definition number three. awesome.
those kids were rowdy beyond belief. new appreciation for sparc teachers across the board. i pulled every theatre game EVER from my mental collection. still not enough. thank the lord for red light green light. and jessie jennison. i think it was definitely a job that needed a bare minimum of two people.
major headache and loss of hair were the result.
now off to massage my scalp.
Friday, April 16
well past 7:15.
i only have fifteen minutes til class change so im going to do the best i can with the time alotted. in case you havent noticed, my naive assertion that posting one blog post per day is not only improbable but most days also impossible. i'll do my best to keep up, but consider this fair warning that there wont be a new one of these suckers every day.
meg & i went to see beau jest at the JCC wednesday to support two of our favorites from the highly diverse cast of fiddler, jackie and david. they were lovers. which was weird for me having known them. but they still did a superb job, despite the oddity of the match up.
we had planned to attend this show on opening night since the day we heard of it. immediately went into our phone calendars. so you know we meant business. later on a sparc performance was scheduled that same day, but being young and unaware of the unreliabilty of theatre performance times, we merely assumed we would be finished in time to make it for curtain.
the show started a little late, no big deal. except it WAS a big deal. my husband offhandedly informed me right when the show ended that it was 7:15 during my dainty june song. which let meg and i to draw to the (correct) conclusion that it was now WELL PAST 7:15, which was our desired time of leaving.
jelj checks her handy dandy wristwatch. it is now 7:30 on the dot. crap.
we burst out of the sparc building like a shot, exiting through a door i think is supposed to be reserved only for emergencies, flying by our friends whom we left in the dust (still wanna apologize for that, guys) and waving our arms in a mad frenzy.
meg checks her phone. deb is holding curtain for us. PRESSURE.
of course it takes us a whole 13 seconds to find megs car which was WAY more than alotted, and then the seat belts are stuck, the radio is blaring country music... everything was going wrong.
finally we get out, speeding, but enough so that we look like a blur and police cars dont usually stop blurs.
im screaming directions. meg is, of course, questioning my directions. but for once in my life i know whats up.
meg lets me out in the drive through at the front of the JCC. i jet out in front of the car, because that is where i must go in order to get to the building, not because i am stupid. and meg accidentally presses on the gas instead of the brake. close call with death involving cars and being late places #2. but this time, no hitchhiking.
meg & i went to see beau jest at the JCC wednesday to support two of our favorites from the highly diverse cast of fiddler, jackie and david. they were lovers. which was weird for me having known them. but they still did a superb job, despite the oddity of the match up.
we had planned to attend this show on opening night since the day we heard of it. immediately went into our phone calendars. so you know we meant business. later on a sparc performance was scheduled that same day, but being young and unaware of the unreliabilty of theatre performance times, we merely assumed we would be finished in time to make it for curtain.
the show started a little late, no big deal. except it WAS a big deal. my husband offhandedly informed me right when the show ended that it was 7:15 during my dainty june song. which let meg and i to draw to the (correct) conclusion that it was now WELL PAST 7:15, which was our desired time of leaving.
jelj checks her handy dandy wristwatch. it is now 7:30 on the dot. crap.
we burst out of the sparc building like a shot, exiting through a door i think is supposed to be reserved only for emergencies, flying by our friends whom we left in the dust (still wanna apologize for that, guys) and waving our arms in a mad frenzy.
meg checks her phone. deb is holding curtain for us. PRESSURE.
of course it takes us a whole 13 seconds to find megs car which was WAY more than alotted, and then the seat belts are stuck, the radio is blaring country music... everything was going wrong.
finally we get out, speeding, but enough so that we look like a blur and police cars dont usually stop blurs.
im screaming directions. meg is, of course, questioning my directions. but for once in my life i know whats up.
meg lets me out in the drive through at the front of the JCC. i jet out in front of the car, because that is where i must go in order to get to the building, not because i am stupid. and meg accidentally presses on the gas instead of the brake. close call with death involving cars and being late places #2. but this time, no hitchhiking.
Tuesday, April 13
adam.
"blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" -spring awakening. my quote of the day.
the return of glee has filled me with glee. idina & johnny groff. plus im just really stoked for some more pop culture songs to be injected with the glee sting of death, because i gotta say, after working glee auditions saturday, i cannot stand the sound of people singing about the sun being a ball of butter or weaklings leaning on their friends or lovers insisting that they are not going anywhere. just writing that made me cringe. new topic.
my favorite american idol contestant to date, adam lambert, is on tonight to mentor the youngins. anyone else find it ironic that they got kris allen, last seasons WINNER, to perform multiple weeks ago, and now, top eight, they are bringing in adam as a mentor. favoritism. just sayin.
adam and i have had kind of a shaky past. meg showed me the video of him performing at some sort of awards show last year, the now infamous gay makeout performance, and i questioned our future. mad props for his guts though. joel mchale certainly had a field day with that.
i am dismayed to admit that i did in fact forget a rollercoaster when i was listing off the few coasters we rode at kd. the "wooden death trap" as meg politely calls it, aka the grizzly. not a fun ride. not fun at all.
i am also dismayed to correct myself yet again, for it was a tapestry, not a shrine, that mr. jif was honored on at the university of kentucky. excessive apologizes, mr. jif.
there is a stray headshot lying on the floor. i am oddly tempted to vandalize my own face.
.......excuse me while i do just that.
the return of glee has filled me with glee. idina & johnny groff. plus im just really stoked for some more pop culture songs to be injected with the glee sting of death, because i gotta say, after working glee auditions saturday, i cannot stand the sound of people singing about the sun being a ball of butter or weaklings leaning on their friends or lovers insisting that they are not going anywhere. just writing that made me cringe. new topic.
my favorite american idol contestant to date, adam lambert, is on tonight to mentor the youngins. anyone else find it ironic that they got kris allen, last seasons WINNER, to perform multiple weeks ago, and now, top eight, they are bringing in adam as a mentor. favoritism. just sayin.
adam and i have had kind of a shaky past. meg showed me the video of him performing at some sort of awards show last year, the now infamous gay makeout performance, and i questioned our future. mad props for his guts though. joel mchale certainly had a field day with that.
i am dismayed to admit that i did in fact forget a rollercoaster when i was listing off the few coasters we rode at kd. the "wooden death trap" as meg politely calls it, aka the grizzly. not a fun ride. not fun at all.
i am also dismayed to correct myself yet again, for it was a tapestry, not a shrine, that mr. jif was honored on at the university of kentucky. excessive apologizes, mr. jif.
there is a stray headshot lying on the floor. i am oddly tempted to vandalize my own face.
.......excuse me while i do just that.
Sunday, April 11
yeah cookies.
this morning, scottie learned that our father was lactose intolerant. he was devastated. i think he was confusing it with a much more life threatening disorder.
thursday meg and i went to jmu. a game of role playing was ensued, meg as herself, i as her eighth grade little sister who was slightly less than pleased to be touring a college campus at the young age of 13. i threw a few mini tantrums to add to the effect. it worked.
we also decided to begin speaking in aussie accents everytime we saw anything with james madison on it. our one and only line was "its james 'imself! JAMES!" much to the dismay of pam. easily annoyed by her daughters.
our tour guides name was levi may. DANG i still need to facebook friend request him. hold on.
done.
he was quite the fellow. he told us that there is this buffet thing where you buy a container and can take as much food as you can squeeze into the container. not only did this idea alone intrigue me, but then he told us that he generally just fills the sucker up with three dozen cookies and brings it back to the dorm and then everybody's like "YEAH COOKIES!" according to levi's stories. so pretty much, its like a buffet that acts as a popularity booster. me like.
meg and i ate at mongolian grill. i dropped two pennies and a nickel in line. you could say thats how i left my mark on jmu.
levi needs a volunteer. i am the one. some bricks on the ground make a circle. stand in the middle of the circle. clap your hands. makes a weird sound. best part of the jmu tour.
levi and my one and only conversation that i will treasure for the rest of my life and perhaps re-live daily.
"moody hall... who can guess what department this is for?"
"...psych?"
"YEAH PSYCHOLOGY!"
meg thought it was women's studies.
did you know the guy who created jif peanut butter donated like a squillion dollars to university of kentucky library and if you go there, there is a shrine dedicated to him with sn image of mr. jif and a horse? meg knows.
coraline is NOT available with verizon on demand. do not be fooled.
saw julia's production of 'as you like it' at colliegate. it was mongolian themed. julia played a french lad and an elk. she can DANCE.
i just ate chinese food and now would like to nap. i bid you all adieu.
thursday meg and i went to jmu. a game of role playing was ensued, meg as herself, i as her eighth grade little sister who was slightly less than pleased to be touring a college campus at the young age of 13. i threw a few mini tantrums to add to the effect. it worked.
we also decided to begin speaking in aussie accents everytime we saw anything with james madison on it. our one and only line was "its james 'imself! JAMES!" much to the dismay of pam. easily annoyed by her daughters.
our tour guides name was levi may. DANG i still need to facebook friend request him. hold on.
done.
he was quite the fellow. he told us that there is this buffet thing where you buy a container and can take as much food as you can squeeze into the container. not only did this idea alone intrigue me, but then he told us that he generally just fills the sucker up with three dozen cookies and brings it back to the dorm and then everybody's like "YEAH COOKIES!" according to levi's stories. so pretty much, its like a buffet that acts as a popularity booster. me like.
meg and i ate at mongolian grill. i dropped two pennies and a nickel in line. you could say thats how i left my mark on jmu.
levi needs a volunteer. i am the one. some bricks on the ground make a circle. stand in the middle of the circle. clap your hands. makes a weird sound. best part of the jmu tour.
levi and my one and only conversation that i will treasure for the rest of my life and perhaps re-live daily.
"moody hall... who can guess what department this is for?"
"...psych?"
"YEAH PSYCHOLOGY!"
meg thought it was women's studies.
did you know the guy who created jif peanut butter donated like a squillion dollars to university of kentucky library and if you go there, there is a shrine dedicated to him with sn image of mr. jif and a horse? meg knows.
coraline is NOT available with verizon on demand. do not be fooled.
saw julia's production of 'as you like it' at colliegate. it was mongolian themed. julia played a french lad and an elk. she can DANCE.
i just ate chinese food and now would like to nap. i bid you all adieu.
Saturday, April 10
planet snoopy.
sorry. call me a fail at life. or a fail at blogging. another long absence i know. but i havent been alone in eighty one hours. seriously. meg showed up at my house at 10am on wednesday and i just left her house at 7pm today. satruhday. joined at the hip much?
KD was fun. it was just the four of us, meg and myself and tibbz and pastore. which worked out nicely for the two person seaters on the coasters. not that we rode any coasters. cause we didnt, really. we mainly walked from one end of the park to the other. like five times. call it bad planning i guess.
we also were bad about wasting time. we chose to wait an hour for white water canyon. a little splash of water was all that was obtained from that epic time waster. but we did gain the friendship of two young lads, matthew and louis. worth it.
saw rachel's snoopy themed show. it broke my heart a little bit to hear them take the YAGMCB songs and slaughter them as they did. they did the best they could with the material i do believe. because the material was just flat out bad. so props.
speaking of snoopy themed, that was what the entire park was. the kiddie area is now called planet snoopy. i could only imagine how i would have reacted to this mass exploitation of snoopy this time last year. i imagine cardiac arrest at first sight of giant inflatable snoopy.
michael was not nearly as enamored as i.
rollercoaster tally at the end of the day. intimidator300 - 2x. dominator - 1x. white water canyon - 1x. spongebob 3d adventure - 1x. and thats all thats coming to mind. so clearly if we did any thing else it didnt make much of an impact on me at all.
took a trip up the eiffel tower. we expected the view to showcase the natural beauty of the countryside. it actually showed us how rotten the rooftops of kings dominion are. flat nasty. this sightseeing adventure was shortlived.
began to watch the show PULSE. stopped. soon.
found an asian boy carrying a giant pikachu and asked him to pose for a picture. he obliged. good lad.
meg & i rode back to shuffles with michael. he was in ali's car so we had every cd EVER to choose from for our ambiance on the ride home. meg and i chose N'SYNC. i dont believe michael was a fan of this choice.
lots of other stuff happened this weekend, but i am tired and therefore i am weak. i shall decide tomorrow if i wish to continue detailing my spring break. if not, i shall leave it to you, my readers, to imagine.
KD was fun. it was just the four of us, meg and myself and tibbz and pastore. which worked out nicely for the two person seaters on the coasters. not that we rode any coasters. cause we didnt, really. we mainly walked from one end of the park to the other. like five times. call it bad planning i guess.
we also were bad about wasting time. we chose to wait an hour for white water canyon. a little splash of water was all that was obtained from that epic time waster. but we did gain the friendship of two young lads, matthew and louis. worth it.
saw rachel's snoopy themed show. it broke my heart a little bit to hear them take the YAGMCB songs and slaughter them as they did. they did the best they could with the material i do believe. because the material was just flat out bad. so props.
speaking of snoopy themed, that was what the entire park was. the kiddie area is now called planet snoopy. i could only imagine how i would have reacted to this mass exploitation of snoopy this time last year. i imagine cardiac arrest at first sight of giant inflatable snoopy.
michael was not nearly as enamored as i.
rollercoaster tally at the end of the day. intimidator300 - 2x. dominator - 1x. white water canyon - 1x. spongebob 3d adventure - 1x. and thats all thats coming to mind. so clearly if we did any thing else it didnt make much of an impact on me at all.
took a trip up the eiffel tower. we expected the view to showcase the natural beauty of the countryside. it actually showed us how rotten the rooftops of kings dominion are. flat nasty. this sightseeing adventure was shortlived.
began to watch the show PULSE. stopped. soon.
found an asian boy carrying a giant pikachu and asked him to pose for a picture. he obliged. good lad.
meg & i rode back to shuffles with michael. he was in ali's car so we had every cd EVER to choose from for our ambiance on the ride home. meg and i chose N'SYNC. i dont believe michael was a fan of this choice.
lots of other stuff happened this weekend, but i am tired and therefore i am weak. i shall decide tomorrow if i wish to continue detailing my spring break. if not, i shall leave it to you, my readers, to imagine.
Monday, April 5
soap.
i have a box of tagalongs sitting next to me. there is a picture of three girls who look straight out of the eighties on it, and one of them has a crazed look in her eyes. i think she is disappointed because she is on the box of tagalongs instead of eating the box of tagalongs. tough luck, crazed cliche teenager.
went to massanutten today with my cousins. my cousin dabney likes to be joined at the hip with me. in the car ride there, it was just me and her and my parents. this was a bummer because my plan was to catch some extra z's.
i somehow convinced her that it would be a good way for us to bond if i went to the backseat and slept while she sat quietly in the front seat.
children. so naive and impressionable.
i saw a clone of 11 year old meg at the waterpark if meg was fat and had bad teeth. so i guess it wasnt really that much of a clone.
amanda and i enjoyed watching people do the "flowrider". the "flowrider" is a little machine that squirts water upwards really hard and then people get a boogie board and jump on the water and try to "surf". in case you didnt catch on from all of my airquotes, this machine is really a load of bologna.
that is so weird that bologna is spelled like that. should be balonie.
but its so entertaining to watch. some people walk up with a swagger because they KNOW they are gonna OWN at this because it looks SO SIMPLE. it is those people that end up flipping off immediately and gain nothing but a mouth full of water and their swim trunks at the bottom of the pool. awkward.
i tell of this from a special place in my heart because i saw this happen to someone i know and love. yes, a close member of my immediate fambly lost their swim trunks in the flowrider. that person.... is my father.
...moving on.
saw the gimmick show at bdale tonight with my husband and annie. i also saw my granpa tom mcgranahan whom i miss because now who is there to call me a hooligan? sad.
annie and i went to the restroom. simple enough. saw dee lynch. some polite chit chat was occuring, and i was trying to seem coordinated, cue laughter from jessie at the thought of me being coordinated, and so i decided to attempt to multi task.
its tricky to multi task right when you enter a restroom because generally what you are in there to do you cant do and carry on a conversation. well, you can, but i'd prefer not to put the other person in a position of such awkwardness.
so as i was conversing with dee, i meandered over to the soap dispenser, squirted soap in my hand, and finished up the convo. it was a few moments after she left the restroom that i realized that i had been holding out my hands with a hefty dollop of soap on them for a good minute or so without noticing. i am SO coordinated.
my husband's name is jessica elizabeth love jennison and after tomorrow we shall not be friends anymore because she is getting her braces removed and she will be too beautiful to be even distant acquaintences with meg and myself anymore. its a shame, because i really was beginning to be able to tolerate her.
this blog post is dedicated to my sister in law, kaki jennison.
went to massanutten today with my cousins. my cousin dabney likes to be joined at the hip with me. in the car ride there, it was just me and her and my parents. this was a bummer because my plan was to catch some extra z's.
i somehow convinced her that it would be a good way for us to bond if i went to the backseat and slept while she sat quietly in the front seat.
children. so naive and impressionable.
i saw a clone of 11 year old meg at the waterpark if meg was fat and had bad teeth. so i guess it wasnt really that much of a clone.
amanda and i enjoyed watching people do the "flowrider". the "flowrider" is a little machine that squirts water upwards really hard and then people get a boogie board and jump on the water and try to "surf". in case you didnt catch on from all of my airquotes, this machine is really a load of bologna.
that is so weird that bologna is spelled like that. should be balonie.
but its so entertaining to watch. some people walk up with a swagger because they KNOW they are gonna OWN at this because it looks SO SIMPLE. it is those people that end up flipping off immediately and gain nothing but a mouth full of water and their swim trunks at the bottom of the pool. awkward.
i tell of this from a special place in my heart because i saw this happen to someone i know and love. yes, a close member of my immediate fambly lost their swim trunks in the flowrider. that person.... is my father.
...moving on.
saw the gimmick show at bdale tonight with my husband and annie. i also saw my granpa tom mcgranahan whom i miss because now who is there to call me a hooligan? sad.
annie and i went to the restroom. simple enough. saw dee lynch. some polite chit chat was occuring, and i was trying to seem coordinated, cue laughter from jessie at the thought of me being coordinated, and so i decided to attempt to multi task.
its tricky to multi task right when you enter a restroom because generally what you are in there to do you cant do and carry on a conversation. well, you can, but i'd prefer not to put the other person in a position of such awkwardness.
so as i was conversing with dee, i meandered over to the soap dispenser, squirted soap in my hand, and finished up the convo. it was a few moments after she left the restroom that i realized that i had been holding out my hands with a hefty dollop of soap on them for a good minute or so without noticing. i am SO coordinated.
my husband's name is jessica elizabeth love jennison and after tomorrow we shall not be friends anymore because she is getting her braces removed and she will be too beautiful to be even distant acquaintences with meg and myself anymore. its a shame, because i really was beginning to be able to tolerate her.
this blog post is dedicated to my sister in law, kaki jennison.
Sunday, April 4
tmobile coworkers.
sorry for my hiatus. im back.
if you will, go back in time to friday night with me. that is what i desire to blog about on this fine easter sunday.
roast time. i was beyond stoked to be back with the cast and make fun of the show that i devoted 9 weeks of my life to. some vengance was still inside of me. i had to release the little bit of angry joad still in my soul.
oh my GOSH its hot in here. ah. fan.
anyways. i was all dressed up in my oversized tyedye tshirt and leggings. like, i was set. ready to roast.
keeumm decided i was to drive. no big deal. i enjoy driving and generally am more chill about it when it comes to manuevering city streets.
it was established that i had forgotten to acquire an address for shafer street theatre were the festivities were to take place. oops. cut a girl some slack, i at least was lookin fly.
texted eric. he didnt have a clue either. figures.
called nicole. she gave me an address, but she was on speakerphone since veronica is a failure and the reception was bad. so the address nicole said and the address keeumm and my ears received were not the same.
we ended up WAY downtown. WAY. like by the trainstation. i was trying to follow gretchen's directions but that was tricky considering how she was confused as to where we were, so she would say something like 'turn right' and i'd look to the right and there was no possible way to do such an action. so i'd swerve. almost had an accident four times. not. too. shabby.
the decision was made that we would just park and go from there. not as easy as it sounds, folks, not as easy as it sounds. first attempt to parallel park should not be in downtown richmond at 10pm. i failed miserably, and the people trying to get by me were not friendly, to put it mildly. i believe i was flipped the bird. well SCREW YOU.
attempt number two. large open space. perfect. except once i'd squeezed in, we saw the fire hydrant. so THATS why nobody parked there. i knew it was too easy.
attempt number three. an abandoned private parking lot right off of a dark alley. PERFECT! i exclaim and pull in happily. keeumm was not so pleased, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
i turned off sheila franklin, and right as i did, she made an odd bell noise that i had never heard before. i didnt know what she could possibly be trying to tell me. the doors were shut, the radio was off, nothing seemed to be ajar.
checked the fuel tank. E for EMPTY. found it!
in case youre confused, let me reiterate my point. my mother and i are sitting in my car with no gas on a dark alley in downtown richmond at 10pm.
should prove to be a fun evening.
called nicole back, who told us we had gone WAY too far down franklin and needed to go back towards vcu. while we knew that was the case, that was going to be an issue since we were without a vehicle.
so of course we started to walk aimlessly down franklin, because that seemed like the right thing to do at the time. this causes me to come close to tears, for i was called for roast rehearsal nearly 23mins ago and we had not a clue where we were. and it was dark, all the clubbers were about. needless to say we didnt fit in very well, and i could tell that keeumm feared for our lives which didnt help very much at all.
spoiler alert. we didnt die.
here we are, walking without a clue as to where we were and i was near my breaking point. at this point i knew i wasnt ever going to make it to roast and probably wasnt going to make it out alive (refer back to spoiler alert if you are getting concerned) and so i am taking out all of my desperation on keeumm by screaming at her.
i made quite the fool out of myself. so much so that the two people walking in front of us turned around. thats when keeumm the hawk swooped in.
she ran up and asked the couple if they knew which way vcu was. just our luck, we had been walking in the exact opposite direction of the campus. i think i let out a wail of despair, cause they felt really sorry for us.
the guy said he would give us a ride. RED FLAG. isnt it always preached to never talk to strangers, let alone never take a ride from one? YES. but that is exactly what keeumm and i did.
the guy introduced himself as william and his tmobile co-worker brittany. he was so crushing on her. and he was so weird. but a ride is a ride. i noted that keeumm had her hand on the door handle at all times no doubt ready to jump out if he tried anything fishy. how she planned to save me if that was to happen was unknown.
he turned out to be quite the gentleman, and dropped us off alive. i can now check hitchhiking off of my bucketlist.
jenny came and found us and steered us to the theatre. i got the quick rundown of what was gonna happen, and then we went out in an alley to practice. the script jenny and nicole wrote was hilarious, and i thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.
we were a hoot. the other performers at no shame, however, took a much more vulgar and risque route, especially this one stand up comedian who said literally the nastiest jokes i have ever heard in my entire life, just one after the other. about midway through i remembered that my mother was in the audience. needless to say i was mortified and she wasnt too happy herself.
luckily our stunning performance that closed the show and my responsibility of arranging for matt to drive us back to my car distracted her, and i she had cooled down. whew. dodged dat bullet.
if you will, go back in time to friday night with me. that is what i desire to blog about on this fine easter sunday.
roast time. i was beyond stoked to be back with the cast and make fun of the show that i devoted 9 weeks of my life to. some vengance was still inside of me. i had to release the little bit of angry joad still in my soul.
oh my GOSH its hot in here. ah. fan.
anyways. i was all dressed up in my oversized tyedye tshirt and leggings. like, i was set. ready to roast.
keeumm decided i was to drive. no big deal. i enjoy driving and generally am more chill about it when it comes to manuevering city streets.
it was established that i had forgotten to acquire an address for shafer street theatre were the festivities were to take place. oops. cut a girl some slack, i at least was lookin fly.
texted eric. he didnt have a clue either. figures.
called nicole. she gave me an address, but she was on speakerphone since veronica is a failure and the reception was bad. so the address nicole said and the address keeumm and my ears received were not the same.
we ended up WAY downtown. WAY. like by the trainstation. i was trying to follow gretchen's directions but that was tricky considering how she was confused as to where we were, so she would say something like 'turn right' and i'd look to the right and there was no possible way to do such an action. so i'd swerve. almost had an accident four times. not. too. shabby.
the decision was made that we would just park and go from there. not as easy as it sounds, folks, not as easy as it sounds. first attempt to parallel park should not be in downtown richmond at 10pm. i failed miserably, and the people trying to get by me were not friendly, to put it mildly. i believe i was flipped the bird. well SCREW YOU.
attempt number two. large open space. perfect. except once i'd squeezed in, we saw the fire hydrant. so THATS why nobody parked there. i knew it was too easy.
attempt number three. an abandoned private parking lot right off of a dark alley. PERFECT! i exclaim and pull in happily. keeumm was not so pleased, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
i turned off sheila franklin, and right as i did, she made an odd bell noise that i had never heard before. i didnt know what she could possibly be trying to tell me. the doors were shut, the radio was off, nothing seemed to be ajar.
checked the fuel tank. E for EMPTY. found it!
in case youre confused, let me reiterate my point. my mother and i are sitting in my car with no gas on a dark alley in downtown richmond at 10pm.
should prove to be a fun evening.
called nicole back, who told us we had gone WAY too far down franklin and needed to go back towards vcu. while we knew that was the case, that was going to be an issue since we were without a vehicle.
so of course we started to walk aimlessly down franklin, because that seemed like the right thing to do at the time. this causes me to come close to tears, for i was called for roast rehearsal nearly 23mins ago and we had not a clue where we were. and it was dark, all the clubbers were about. needless to say we didnt fit in very well, and i could tell that keeumm feared for our lives which didnt help very much at all.
spoiler alert. we didnt die.
here we are, walking without a clue as to where we were and i was near my breaking point. at this point i knew i wasnt ever going to make it to roast and probably wasnt going to make it out alive (refer back to spoiler alert if you are getting concerned) and so i am taking out all of my desperation on keeumm by screaming at her.
i made quite the fool out of myself. so much so that the two people walking in front of us turned around. thats when keeumm the hawk swooped in.
she ran up and asked the couple if they knew which way vcu was. just our luck, we had been walking in the exact opposite direction of the campus. i think i let out a wail of despair, cause they felt really sorry for us.
the guy said he would give us a ride. RED FLAG. isnt it always preached to never talk to strangers, let alone never take a ride from one? YES. but that is exactly what keeumm and i did.
the guy introduced himself as william and his tmobile co-worker brittany. he was so crushing on her. and he was so weird. but a ride is a ride. i noted that keeumm had her hand on the door handle at all times no doubt ready to jump out if he tried anything fishy. how she planned to save me if that was to happen was unknown.
he turned out to be quite the gentleman, and dropped us off alive. i can now check hitchhiking off of my bucketlist.
jenny came and found us and steered us to the theatre. i got the quick rundown of what was gonna happen, and then we went out in an alley to practice. the script jenny and nicole wrote was hilarious, and i thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.
we were a hoot. the other performers at no shame, however, took a much more vulgar and risque route, especially this one stand up comedian who said literally the nastiest jokes i have ever heard in my entire life, just one after the other. about midway through i remembered that my mother was in the audience. needless to say i was mortified and she wasnt too happy herself.
luckily our stunning performance that closed the show and my responsibility of arranging for matt to drive us back to my car distracted her, and i she had cooled down. whew. dodged dat bullet.
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