driving fiascos.

lately i have been having a lot of car fiascos. i'd like to take this time to give a quick shout out to sheila franklin, who has been with me throughout all of these fiascos. because she is my car.

first. driving down my road, which happens to go by the name of 'stone horse creek road'. now, going off of the name, one would assume that many 'stones' are scattered across 'STONE horse creek rd'. this is a fact. i have ran over many a stone in my day. but stones, when hit, ricochet off the tires and fly into the ditch. they do not squish. driving along, i see what i so ignorantly assume to be a stone. so i hit it. twas not a stone. twas a frog. i know this, because it squished. i heard it. both wheels. rest in peace.

second. where i live, seeing tractors on the road is not uncommon. in fact, it is extremely common. do you know what is NOT extremely common? seeing a tractor (on a trailer, yes, but still) cruising down highway 64. this tractor was headed into downtown richmond. i can only imagine what its plans were for the desolate asphalt pit that is, richmond.

anyways.

this tractor was in front of me, and i was less than pleased, because anything with a load such as that cannot go the speed limit and certainly cannot go ABOVE the speed limit which is what i desired to do, for i was late. traffic was thick, so passing just wasnt an option. so here i am, stuck behind this tractor, when all of a sudden a metal object comes flying at shiela and i! i swerve, of course, and avoid it, but then as i contemplated what that unidentified flying object could have been, i realized that it was a BLADE from said tractor! THIS TRACTOR IS HURLING FREAKING METAL RAZORS AT MY CAR.

blinker on. i eventually find a hole and manage to get in the lane next to the tractor driver. it is there that i ride beside him for a solid 15 seconds glaring at him until he gets the message.

RAZORS.

third. the lever that turns on my lights in my car sticks. let me just start with that.

now. a few months ago a bastard nailed me from behind and took out my left brake light. no big deal, gots it fixed. except it didnt really fix, cause the brake light was still out. so then i went to get it fixed again. the brake light got fixed that time. but somehow in the process of fixing my brake light the mechanic managed to screw up my tail light. so thats out.

now that you have all that info, i can begin my story. driving home from 'the fantasticks' (ITS GREAT GO SEE IT www.cadencetheatre.org) and its late. i am aware that my tail light is out, but i am also aware that police officers will usually only give you a warning for such things if they pull you over for it. knowing this, when i saw the police officers blue lights flashing behind me, im pretty chill. ive got nothing to hide, thats my policy.

the guy comes up. and instead of doing what i expected and informing me that my tail light is out, he informs me that i have been driving without my lights on. yes. i had travelled from downtown all the way to short pump with only my parking lights on and did not even notice. so he tells me to turn my lights on, and then goes on to tell me that he's still going to need to see my license. so he takes it and meanders back to the police car, where he sits for nine minutes and then returns.

WITH A TICKET. i'm all like 'whaaaat?!' cause im freaking sixteen years old AND I JUST HAD MY LIGHTS OFF. no no. i've been nailed for a double whammy, lights off AND tail light out. he said he originally pulled me because he thought i was a drunk driver, because usually only drunken people forget to turn their lights on all the way. whatever.