abduction.

this cadence camp is my second of the summer of 2010. throughout these two camps, i have learned two very vital things. one. if a kid has dimples, their cuteness factor is immediately hightened. two. if my kid does have dimples (which it must or i'm giving it back) i will not send it to camp, because im afraid that the counselors will kidnap it.

this fear comes from a very real occurance, for eric and i are currently plotting the abduction of our favorite little boy camper named rye. like the catcher in the. or bread.

he has dimps. freckles. curly hair. chubby cheeks. all of his teeth. im not a fan of the whole "loosing teeth" fase of childhood. and a gruff little voice. and we want him.

its getting slightly out of hand. we took pictures with him that we plan on putting on our christmas card when we become a family. we considered adoption as an option because his parents have another blonde haired kid to fill the void. but theres all that paperwork.

while watching a movie with the campers yesterday, eric and i cornered rye. and we so had him. no other adults in the room, most of the other kids were in a trance from the movie, and there was a trashcan nearby to mask the actual snatch. the plan was to slip him into his sleeping bag, then zip it up, (gently) toss him in the trashcan, and then "take out the trash" while really relocating him to sheila franklin, also known as the getaway car.

i actually dont remember why we didnt go through with it. i think it was because of rye's slight reluctance to get in his sleeping bag. we wanted this abduction to be as pleasant as possible.

after all, he was going to become our child.

driving fiascos.

lately i have been having a lot of car fiascos. i'd like to take this time to give a quick shout out to sheila franklin, who has been with me throughout all of these fiascos. because she is my car.

first. driving down my road, which happens to go by the name of 'stone horse creek road'. now, going off of the name, one would assume that many 'stones' are scattered across 'STONE horse creek rd'. this is a fact. i have ran over many a stone in my day. but stones, when hit, ricochet off the tires and fly into the ditch. they do not squish. driving along, i see what i so ignorantly assume to be a stone. so i hit it. twas not a stone. twas a frog. i know this, because it squished. i heard it. both wheels. rest in peace.

second. where i live, seeing tractors on the road is not uncommon. in fact, it is extremely common. do you know what is NOT extremely common? seeing a tractor (on a trailer, yes, but still) cruising down highway 64. this tractor was headed into downtown richmond. i can only imagine what its plans were for the desolate asphalt pit that is, richmond.

anyways.

this tractor was in front of me, and i was less than pleased, because anything with a load such as that cannot go the speed limit and certainly cannot go ABOVE the speed limit which is what i desired to do, for i was late. traffic was thick, so passing just wasnt an option. so here i am, stuck behind this tractor, when all of a sudden a metal object comes flying at shiela and i! i swerve, of course, and avoid it, but then as i contemplated what that unidentified flying object could have been, i realized that it was a BLADE from said tractor! THIS TRACTOR IS HURLING FREAKING METAL RAZORS AT MY CAR.

blinker on. i eventually find a hole and manage to get in the lane next to the tractor driver. it is there that i ride beside him for a solid 15 seconds glaring at him until he gets the message.

RAZORS.

third. the lever that turns on my lights in my car sticks. let me just start with that.

now. a few months ago a bastard nailed me from behind and took out my left brake light. no big deal, gots it fixed. except it didnt really fix, cause the brake light was still out. so then i went to get it fixed again. the brake light got fixed that time. but somehow in the process of fixing my brake light the mechanic managed to screw up my tail light. so thats out.

now that you have all that info, i can begin my story. driving home from 'the fantasticks' (ITS GREAT GO SEE IT www.cadencetheatre.org) and its late. i am aware that my tail light is out, but i am also aware that police officers will usually only give you a warning for such things if they pull you over for it. knowing this, when i saw the police officers blue lights flashing behind me, im pretty chill. ive got nothing to hide, thats my policy.

the guy comes up. and instead of doing what i expected and informing me that my tail light is out, he informs me that i have been driving without my lights on. yes. i had travelled from downtown all the way to short pump with only my parking lights on and did not even notice. so he tells me to turn my lights on, and then goes on to tell me that he's still going to need to see my license. so he takes it and meanders back to the police car, where he sits for nine minutes and then returns.

WITH A TICKET. i'm all like 'whaaaat?!' cause im freaking sixteen years old AND I JUST HAD MY LIGHTS OFF. no no. i've been nailed for a double whammy, lights off AND tail light out. he said he originally pulled me because he thought i was a drunk driver, because usually only drunken people forget to turn their lights on all the way. whatever.

no more titles.

for all of you out there concerned with the state of my teeth, the healing process is going quite swimmingly. i enjoy feeling the stitches in my tooth holes because it tickles. and i am down to eight advil a day. yay for addictions.

this is going to be an exceedingly short blog post.

i dont feel like naming this one.

i got my wisdom teeth yanked out of my face friday morning and they anesthesia-ed me all up so since then i have been sleeping on and off and therefore it is 1:36am and i am starving and wide awake. its not even like im just not tired, i literally am alert as ever right now.

i am going to list some things that i have done since midnight that i usually would not be doing because usually i would be either watching scrubs or sleeping.

-played 'megajump' on tommy the itouch. 'megajump' is a free little app (NOT FREE ANYMORE SUCKAAAAS!) that consists of a tiny red monstrous-looking creature that jumps and then you have to steer it left and right so that it continually makes contact with the ever moving coins dangling mid-air. meg introduced it to me late last night. its really a super game once you get past the silliness of it all. the sole problem is im having trouble getting past level one, and the other levels that say LOCKED when you try to cheat and access them have names like 'city of mists', 'silvery moon' and 'comet nebula' which are just altogether too appealing.

-watched 'diners, drive-ins and dives' on food network. hosted by guy fieri, who has abnormally blonde hair. did i mention earlier that i was starving? yes. yes i did. and watching guy stuff his face with the united states of america's best burgers was just torture.

-ate applesauce. or shall i say, BEGAN to eat applesause, because i have come to find that this natural applesauce keeumm buys is tasteless.

ALL I HAVE EATEN TODAY IS A BOWL OF MASHED POTATOES. HELP ME.

-went on a scavenger hunt for cinnamon. cinnamon really can add that extra umph to things that are tasteless. probably because cinnamon has taste.

-found cinnamon, put cinnamon in applesauce, completed applesauce. i dont feel the need to expand on this topic much more.

-listened to commercials with my eyes closed. this SEEMS pointless but if you play a game with yourself and try to figure out what the commercial is for within the first 5 seconds it proves to be exceedingly entertaining until they start repeating commercials which is much too frequent on late night television.

-gargled salt water. just did.

-got a flashlight and tried to see the holes where my wisdom teeth once were. it was tricky, and took much maneuvering with a mirror, but i figured it out. theres really not too much to see, unless raw gums are interesting to you. i also expected much more from these so called 'dissolving stitches', like BEING ABLE TO SEE THEM. you cant. fyi.

-parted my hair on the opposite side that its supposed to be. BAD. IDEA.

now im still not tired, but guy fieri's voice on the tv in the other room is REALLY starting to annoy.

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, thats not really it. im just jealous of his solid foods.

time to watch some infomercials.

manhole.

the gilman troupe took a vaca north. these are my highlights from said excursion. and just so you know, i plan to continue using 'vaca' as an abbrev for 'vacation' because it is one of the few abbrevs (including abbrev itself) that i am actually in favor of.

-washington dc. the fam *another approved abbrev* sits in front of the washington monument, marveling in its majestic beauty. we notice a plane. sister points to said plane and says "it looks like that plane is going to run into the monument." sister is correct, and we all watch in a mix of awe and terror as this aeroplane flies slowly but surely lower and seemingly closer to the monument. then we all breathe a sigh of relief as the plane passes it on the other side. all except keeumm, who smiles, cocks her head to the side and says "that's neat..."
not an appropriate response.

-street vendors. brother purchases a lemon italian ice on the street. we sit on bench to rest our tired feet, or as dick calls them, "worn out puppies". brother drops half eaten italian ice on sidewalk, and ice pops out of container. mass devastation ensues. brother tries, in vain, for a solid three minutes to scoop up (MEG) the ice into the container without using his hands. he eventually gets it up to a wall and manages to slide it back in. he then goes back to the street vendor and tells his harrowing tale, expecting a new italian ice. instead, he retrieves a cup of water. for "washing it off", as the street vendor told him.
he disposed of both.

-muslim karaoke singers. hershey park has these wonderful opportunities for rising stars to perform their debut for all of the park to enjoy. it is a room with a karaoke machine where you can sing and afterwards pick up the video, which may not seem to be worth $25 BUT the exposure is invaluable. i was lucky enough to be walking by when the familiar musical introduction of 'my heart will go on' caught my attention. i, of course, stopped to listen. the two muslim women began to sing. or rather, speak on pitch. or rather, talk with rhythm. or rather, mumble aimlessly. for they had no rhythm, certainly did not know the pitches, and most of the time it seemed like the one on the left was singing a completely different song. i asked if i could purchase THEIR tape, but the employees said that could cause a lawsuit down the road.
i was bummed.

-toilet paper. in the hotel room in hershey that we stayed in, the bathroom perplexed me. here's why. if you were to sit on the toilet, the toilet paper roll was all the way across the bathroom. it is literally impossible to reach while remaining seated. no need to bring up the fact that i have abnormally short arms, because i tested it and you would need to have nearly twice my armspan to reach it.
that just aint right.

-wooden rollercoasters. because keeumm and dick are silly and had three kids and didnt stop at an even two, family theme park visits are extremely difficult. somebody always has to ride alone, and on the wooden rollercoaster known as "the wildcat", i was elected to be the lone rider. it was my wise decision to ride with a little black boy instead of all by me lonesome. i tried to strike up a conversation on the way up the hill, but he was a bit too anxious to chat. then once we went over the hill and got going, he covered his eyes and said "ohhhh noooo" many, many, many, many times. then when the ride ended a mere 45 seconds later, he uncovered his eyes, looked at me sheepishly and said "my b."
poor fella.

-palm beach tan. driving home we passed a joint that goes by the name of 'palm beach tan'. except the sign was malfunctioning a bit so it looked like 'palin beach tan'. come on. dont tell me if you saw a sign that you thought said 'palin beach tan' it wouldnt land in the highlight category of your vaca.
really now.

-orioles game. the gate workers at camden yards were handing out orioles tshirts before the game, but considering how i am a new york yankees fan and NOT an orioles fan, i declined to accept their free tshirt and decided to sport my new yankees tee to the game. yes. i was booed. verbally abused. and i think some drunk guy actually spit at me. but because of MY support, ARod hit his 600th homerun today.
SO YOURE WELCOME NEW YORK CITY.

-wheres waldo. if you have ever entered urban outfitters before, you should well know that their array of books is eccentric to say the least. apparently they carry a 'wheres waldo' book, because as i exited the dressing room, one of those very 'wheres waldo' books goes flying by me. the culprit was a little boy whose mother, im sure, sat him down with this book whilst she shopped. he then shouted 'i jist caint FIND waldo no more!'
many a time has that same thought crossed through my head, lemme tell ya.

-lost & found. sister does not own a cell phone of her own, so she has adopted, or rather, stolen dick's phone so she can chat with her little frands. she had dick's phone in her pocket when we rode on hershey park's infamous rollercoaster, 'fahrenheit'. unwise. a stellar ride was there after RUINED by sister's comment 'um dad, i dont have your phone anymore.' my immediate suggestion was that it had tried to commit suicide after being overwhelmed by the mass amount of middle school chatter, but that idea was quickly discarded for whatever reason. long story short: went to lost & found, were filling out paperwork when dude walked in with dick’s phone and we said ‘oh that’s it yay happy happy joy joy’.
i think she deserved to lose it.

-manhole. i walked on top of a manhole that actually had steam being emitted from it. what an absolutely exhilarating feeling.
check that off my bucket list.

i have one downfall from my vacation. and that is the death of fernando the glow-in-the-dark unicorn silly band. sister is to blame. i'd rather not go into detail. my husband said it best when she said, 'it is a sad sad day in the land of fernando'. may he rest in peace.

besides this tragedy, i'd say vaca went quite swimmingly.

into the woods its time to go

today is opening. literally, just now, as i wrote that, i put my face in my hands. not cause im fearful of (the woods at night) opening, simply because i really just cant believe that its already here. this day has been a long time coming, folks, and im not just talking about the rehearsal process. i'd say ive been dreaming bout this for a good solid two years. shivers.

this is not going to be my usual witty banter-esque blog post, because im too jittery to be amusing. sorry.

i'm attached to little red like i've never been attached to any other character before. usually its easy for me to draw the line between myself and my character. but she is so different; she is literally an 12year old, caped extension of myself.

i'm excited and scared for tonight... but all thats left to do now is say a little prayer and kick some INTO THE WOODS butt!

i love you, my cast! WE GOT THIS!

silly bandz.

let me just get this straight before i begin this blog post. i am not, repeat, NOT a fan of silly bandz.

silly bandz (i am adding the z because i like it, i dont actually know for sure if the correct term for these ridiculous wrist adornments contains a 'z' or not) are, as i stated in my aside just then, ridiculous wrist adornments.

you wear them around your wrist until someone asks you what it is. because someone WILL ask you what it is. and then you remove said silly band with pride and tug at it for a certain period of time until it resembles an unidentifiable blob, then tug at it some more until it becomes the silhouette of a random animal, vegetable, mineral or unknown.

kids these days barter silly bandz as if they were actually valuable. but keep in mind, one silly band is not equal to the next. silly bandz that glow in the dark, are tye dye, or resemble the shape of toy story characters are considered to be the most precious. as in, YOU BETTER HAVE SOME COLD HARD CASH IF YOU WANT MY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR SILLY BAND.

why have i gone on this rant about silly bandz, you may ask? because i myself have recently had a revelation, a change of heart, if you will, about silly bandz.

im a really good person. and wasting things just irks me. thats why when i noticed there was a water bottle in jessie's bathroom trashcan with a hair elastic around it, i was going to inform jessie. because i was either going to be a good person and let jessie know that she was accidentally going to throw away a hair elastic, or, if this did not alarm jessie (AS IT SHOULD) i was going to be nonwasteful and save that hair elastic from a premature fate.

i informed jessie. she reacted as i feared, and was not concerned about the hair elastic. but eureka, jessie spotted something ELSE on this water bottle which she decided she DID want to retrieve. choosy little bugger.

this much smaller and less prominent object turned out to be.... a silly band. i was not interested, because, as i have already told you, silly bandz are not liked by allison.

i climbed into my adopted jennison bed and was snuggling in, ready to catch a good solid 5 hours of sleep before a day of stage explorers and into the woods-ing.

and then i saw it. a glowing beacon of light slowing floating towards me across the room. i was instantly mesmerized. my eyes followed its every move, watching in awe of its simple but stunning beauty.

TO JOANN.

needless to say i was alarmed when the mysterious object floated upwards towards the blinds and then two legs plopped beside me in the bed. it was jessie closing the blinds. not exciting. but what was exciting was that the beacon of light was clinging to her wrist.

jessie dropped the beacon on my face. for a few minutes, i was fearful to touch it. then i gathered my courage and grabbed it, then held it up in the air. it was a glow in the dark unicorn silly band, and i was in love.

if you put it on your wrist and then madly wave your arm, the people across the room can see what your arm is doing! and if you put it on your nose and then sit up, the people across the room can see your nose! and if you put it around your eye, the people across the room can (so they tell me) SEE YOUR EYE!

i put on quite the show for meg, jessie and kaki.

this unicorn silly band that i have named fernando is still on my wrist and i never plan to take it off. we'll see how this goes with the run of into the woods. i think that little red would be the trendsetter of the show, the first character to wear silly bandz. ITS A CHARACTER CHOICE OKAY.

a kid at stage explorers asked if she could have it. i said no.

i also saved that hair elastic.